Growing up?

Obviously, my life has changed considerably over the past couple years, even since a year ago when I started Project Bare.

Looking back, I was just starting to come into my own and regain some sense of self at that point and this blog and all the wonderful people who read it really helped push me forward on that path. I’m happy to say that I finally feel happy, well-adjusted, confident and, dare I say it, somewhat content with where I am in my life right now.

Content is definitely not a word that I would have ever used to describe myself in the past. I’m a 23 year woman who is married, owns a house and has already had more jobs than I could list on a 5 page resume. I’m not exactly a settler. I’m impatient and, when I want something, I go after it with a vengeance. For a little while…until I give up and move onto the next thing. It’s definitely not a quality I’m proud of and it’s something I’ve always wanted to change about myself. Problem was, I had too many other things I wanted to change about myself to deal with first.

But now that I’m finally happy being me and not actively trying to change who I am, I do have some things that I’m ready to work on concerning how I live my life. I could say these things are long overdue, but I actually feel like I needed to come to that realization in my own time–not because someone told me I needed to. I’m a woman who wanted the trappings of an adult life, without having to actually act like an adult. But it’s finally caught up to me.

So, as I announced to my husband the other day, I’m ready to start acting like an adult. But what the heck does that mean?

1. Keeping my life organized. Adam and I have a terrible habit of ignoring things like dishes, laundry, vacuuming, unpacking bags, etc etc until they pile up so badly that neither one of us wants to make the first move to rectify the situation. On my day off Thursday, I got into full-on organizing mode and whaddayaknow? It’s much easier to do one load of dishes or laundry at a time than claw your way out from under a 10 ft pile of crap. Turns out, bills work the same way. I spent so much time avoiding paying bills and opening new credit cards to delay the inevitable. But I found when I just sat down and paid them all off, the monkey on my back that wouldn’t stop pestering me about my debt finally climbed off and found someone else to bother. Shocking revelations on my part, but hey, it’s all part of growing up, I suppose.

2. Settling. I’ve always had the restless gene. It’s just how I’m wired. My mind cannot settle on the present–it’s always jumping forward to the possibilities of the future, dreaming of what will be different then. Even though I have a beautiful new house, I instinctively start researching what house or what state we’ll live in next–even when we’ve only been here a year. I have a wonderful husband that I’m finally ready to enjoy after years spent apart and I start thinking about throwing babies in the mix. I have a great job that I FINALLY can say I really love and I’m wondering how long it will last.

But ya know what I realized? I love my life and where I’m at right now–I have the rest of my life to do what’s coming next, so why mess with what’s already good?

3. Being a homebody.  I know I’m still young, but there’s something about having your own house that makes you kind of want to put an end to all the weekends out at the bar, partying with people you don’t know. I’m more content now to just have friends over for dinner or go to someone’s house to have a beer and watch a movie. Not that I don’t love a fun night out, meeting new people every now and then, but there’s something that changes when you realize you already have the great friends that need and you don’t have to go to a packed bar to find them.

4. Embracing me. An unfortunate part of being young is that much of that time is spent questioning who you are and trying to change it. Conversely, I think a big part of growing up is embracing who you are, even if it isn’t the norm. I like the things I like and I’m finally learning not to apologize for that. I don’t think the core of who I am has really changed that much since I was younger–but rather, I’ve learned to embrace who I am and what I like without worrying what others think. When I lived in Boston, I changed a lot of things about myself to conform to the standards of my new friends, people I worked with and the city in general. I spent tons of money buying designer jeans and bags, I gave up all the foods I loved to be skinny and, worst of all, I wasn’t even happy.

Now, I live in the great state of New Hampshire where you can wear sweatpants to the bar and the best handbags are from Target. And I freakin love it–it’s so much more me. Keeping up appearances is a full-time job that I don’t have the time or energy for anymore. And, as for being thin–I think a big ass cookie tastes way better than skinny feels. C’mon, Grow up, Kate Moss

xoxo

MM